"Your enthusiasm is scaring everyone"
Okay so this is where the title of this post comes from.
A picture taken in NYC at an upscale store to buy kitchen supplies. I was looking pretty tired in color, hence the black and white. It makes the photo more dramatic. I would have bought the mug, but I didn't want the other phrases diluting that one message:
And I'll be the first to admit, I have a ton of energy. Maybe not right now (trying to get all this sleeping in) but usually. Even usually when I'm dead tired, I find a way to get #jazzed (the common catchphrase of mine at the moment).
I have this dance and when you see the dance, you know that 1) I have an idea and 2) I have enough energy for several people. I bounce around, moving from left to right, sort of on the tips of my toes. A smile-grin spreads across my face, my eyes get a little sparkle, and I am more prone to letting out a chuckle. I talk quickly, leave few pauses between sentences, and try to inject mentally the energy I have to the person I am talking to. I know I look a little ridiculous, a little over the top, but personally, it's my favorite position to be in. This abundance of energy gives me momentum, confidence, and a little razzle dazzle. I can do anything!
It can be a lot.
But here's the thing. I've thought about my energy a lot recently. Starting a new job (which I did this fall), you go through the process of adjusting to your co-workers (mainly through long days of training side-by-side). Most days, I had more energy than my co-workers. I threw out ideas, talked a lot, and tried to just have fun. Yes, training is long, but if you don't smile or crack a joke, then training will be twice as miserable. I got the classic look of "Settle yourself" or "Why does she have this much energy?" Am I bothered by those looks? Yes of course. I get self-conscious.
The reason I am so energetic has two sources of origin. The first is that I think passion and excitement for life are crucial. I genuinely care about what I am doing and I want people to know and see that. I also genuinely care about the people I'm working with and I want them to know that too. I do want to get to know them, learn their strengths, and help find ways to champion their talents. I have energy because I care. I'm attracted to people who have the same sort of passion I do. I want to surround myself with others who have that energy. And sometimes that energy is very visible, like mine is, and other times it's not (hidden away unless you get them one-on-one in a coffeeshop or out for drinks).
The energy also stems from my mom. As someone who was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I can now only imagine what was going through her head the last two years of her life. I have thousands of questions I can only wish I could ask her. But the energy and passion she had for whatever time she had left was inspirational. She always said that she couldn't understand why people got so, "Oh my gosh June you're so brave and strong. I don't think I could do what you're doing." And my mom was like (in the confines of our home to me) "I don't think I'm doing anything different. I'm just living my life and I think if it happened to them, they would be the same way too."
I live life enthusiastically and with #jazz because if I didn't, then I think a part of me would know I'm letting my mom down. I don't know what tomorrow brings so I might as well be excited about today, right?
So this #jazzed gal isn't going anywhere. I'll just keep scaring people with that enthusiasm.